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I'm so disgusted by the disproportionate amount of people whining in the notes on your post about the Haitian boy who was given up about "not all white people". They had the god damn nerve to look at the source material and ONLY choose to cherrypick the people going "white people are awful", yell at them because their precious egos were hurt, and ignore the damn point of the post entirely. I am so incredibly disgusted.
Heh. The latest accusation is that I’m “trying to cause trouble" with my coverage of adopted child trafficking that (unlike that “Good Housekeeping” trash mag) isn’t some abuse apologist defense of a racist American who has a history of hurting animals.
White feelings > the lives of orphaned children of color
Must be a day that ends in ‘y’.
NYU Shanghai, to be exact. I’m at that point in my life where I just have to discover my lost culture. I just need to. And I can’t stop thinking about how unique this university is and how it could give me that connection that I’ve been looking for.
They took it better than I expected. They haven’t tried to talk me out of it or anything, but they do seem slightly uncomfortable with the idea.
On numerous occasions, they’ve asked me, “Why do you want to go? So you can become fluent and stay there?”
…and at that moment, things made a lot more sense to me - why they decided not to teach me about my culture, why they’ve never taken me back to visit my homeland, or why they don’t want to talk about race and adoption. They are afraid that I’m going to fall in love with it and will want to stay.
But is that so wrong? I want to fall in love with my culture. I want to have the option to stay if I want to. But they shouldn’t see this as a bad thing. In fact, it would’ve been better if they taught me these things when I was young so that I wouldn’t grow up with such a strong thirst for adventure and discovery.
I feel like this might be a fear of some adoptive parents. They don’t want to lose their child. They want their child to be all theirs. But we will never be only theirs. We are also children of other families, cultures, and countries. You can’t take that way from us. You can try to hide it or keep it away, but someday, we might grow up and take things into our own hands.
You aren’t losing your child to their first culture and country. You’re sharing them. International adoptees have the right to know the land where they came from if they want to.
Any parent not wanting their child to live so far away from them is (somewhat) understandable, but holy balls that does NOT for one second justify their refusal to face up to racism and cut you off from your birth culture completely.
Ugh. Sorry your adoptive parents are so horribly unsupportive about your birth right to your culture. Hope your application goes well and you go on the adventure of a lifetime. Much love to ya. X
I feel like crying right now because so many white people adopt Haitians and its our biggest fear that they won't get love and respect and that they'll have no opportunity to learn about their culture and one day they'll just forget about it.
My heart goes out to you, truly, I wish I could offer comfort and say your fear was unjustified.
I wish I could tell you that Haiti isn’t a target of the Evangelical crusade to traffick and indocrinate children with Christianity.
I wish I could tell you that this nation of heroes wasn’t being reduced to a supply country (adoption industry terminology for non-Western countries).
I wish I could tell you it isn’t true that adopted children are abused at higher rates than biological offspring.
Arm yourself with the truth, harsh as it may be, and know that the first generations of international class bastard adoptees have grown up and led the charge for THIS generation of adoptees.
Align yourself with us, support us, boost our signal, and I promise we will remake the world.
1) They don’t understand your everyday experience with microaggressions.
The most frequent response I get from my parents when I talk about a microagression directed towards me is: Maybe they (usually a white person) is having a bad day and didn’t mean it.
This complete dismissal of my lived experience, my TRUTH, does irreversible damage to my mind, my body, and my spirit.
2) They stutter and falter when they talk about race or ethnicity.
They have a hard time naming race and ethnicity. Seriously. It’s like watching someone with a bad case of constipation. Uttering anything along the lines of Asian, Filipino, White, Black, South Asian, etc…is difficult for them. And if they manage to form a coherent thought it’s communicated with a pretentious air, like they’ve bestowed a magic gift of knowledge on me.
3) They tell me, “You’re being really mean right now” when I’m ranting about race and adoption.
Which really just means: Shut up and don’t talk about race because it makes us uncomfortable. Oh, and: Your anger is uncalled for.
This list isn’t finished. All you transracial adoptees know that. We live difficult and complex lives. If you have anything to add to the list, reblog and add.
4) Everything is somehow my fault. If we’re talking about adoption and I’m expressing how difficult it was to grow up in a White family, in a White town and my parents get upset? It’s my fault.
Microagressions? Definitely my fault.
I’m upset because of racism? My fault, I shouldn’t have been reading about it/watching that/talking to those people/idk, existing in a racist world (this is the one that really blows my mind).
5) They dismiss or ignore my life experiences and then feel hurt that I don’t want to tell them things.
Yesterday I mentioned that I had read an article about how it’s documented that Black women have a more difficult time getting hired and how it made me feel discouraged about my job hunt (in a light-hearted, chuckling, ‘isn’t that the darndest thing’ way because you have to be cute and easygoing about it, of course) and both my parents
….just ignored me. They didn’t say anything at all. In the next few days, my mom will almost definitely talk to me about how I need to stop reading about racism because “it’s so negative.”
6) Having to physically defend myself as a child against violent racists at my über white school, then coming home and being disbelieved that I’d done NOTHING to provoke the assaults.
7) The complete and utter erasure of my birth language, which yes, I knew and spoke actively when I was first adopted.
8) Having my vocal antiracism and perfectly harmless, non-Eurocentric behavior be derided and pathologized as “attachment disorder,” which in Western adoption circles is commonly referred to as “serial killer syndrome.”
"Possession," Penny Dreadful
Penny Dreadful is trash (and not in the arch, knowing way it tries so hard to be)— this scene’s impact is gutted by its equation of genocidal mass child abduction with the personal problems of a white European character who also doesn’t “fit in either world…” /eyeroll
catieissomethingcreative said: I kinda think that if you’re white and going to adopt a non-white child, you shouldn’t be a dick about it. That’s really it. Don’t congratulate yourself, don’t brag about it, just be a fucking parent.
Transracial adoption can seriously fuck you up and your white parents are all like, “but, but BUT I gave you everything! I’ve ALWAYS supported you!!!”
"But I can’t be racist - I have brown kids!"
But you’re told stories about family members concerned about “how brown is you’re going to be” and hear conversations about how “interracial marriages just don’t mix” and while at 9 you know, know, KNOW that you are expected to marry white. And you hear about how the Mexicans should go back to where they came from and as a Colombian you’re sitting in the back with Mexican, Peruvian and Guatemalan sibs wondering how that does not include all of you.
Then comes the day that you realize that the only reason you are worthy is because they changed everything about you and stamped you with their white last name. And that last name is a fucking weight to bear because you are expected to live up to their expectations, live up to the whiteness and deny, deny, deny everything else.
Until one day you don’t.
But even then - you still feel like a fraud, an interloper, an appropriator of a culture that should have been yours but was not. And continually having to work to dismantle the white supremacist thinking that you were brought up with - not just about all those other POCs out there but also about yourself.
Bolding that shit for emphasis.
Mundane bio spawn simply can’t cope with our complexity.
It’s either “shut up you’re WHITE on the inside you’re WESTERN you don’t know and can’t claim ANY of your birth hertiage”
"shut up you’re NOT WHITE you’re a FOREIGNER you don’t REALLY belong here and you can’t claim any of your adoptive heritage what about your ‘REAL’ family"
My birth mother gave me the name “Waykedria” but my white adoptive parents changed it to “Rebekah” because “Waykedria” was too abnormal for them and they could never spell it. They kept is as a middle name solely out of respect for my birth mother. I was also teased and called ghetto when I told…
You were adopted by white parents as a baby. Their culture is your culture because you were raised in their culture.
Quit appropriating black culture, you shitlord.
Go to sleep Gollum.
hahaha white “CULTURE” hahahahahahahahaaa
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