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I just finished reading them, actually. If we had continued the conversation then you would have found out that nearly all of the experiences you've written about or reblogged have happened to me because of the circumstances of my birth and how I was raised. It's clear there's not much point in continuing, though. Have a good week and a nice holiday.
oh wowowowow so YOU TOO were picked out of a catalog between $30,000 - $50,000 bucks a pop with final price contingent on your physical attractiveness, number of diseases, and neurotypicality?!
YOU TOO had your gender determined by industry laws of supply & demand with your parents’ purchasing power? YOU TOO were regularly likened to the most infamous serial rapists & murderers that preyed upon your (paid predetermined) gender? YOU TOO were trafficked and warehoused in an exponentially growing underground market of parents who abandon and trade their “forever children” with zero legal repercussions? YOU TOO survived government subsidized institutionalization to cure the “primal wound” of your conception and “inevitably sociopathic rage against your birth mother” wherein you were subjected to “therapies” that so violate every human rights convention on the planet they’ve resulted in the highest number of documented cases of child death-by-torture in modern history? YOU TOO had your true age, place of birth, parentage, and developmental history completely withheld from you by the entity that delivered you to your fam for aforementioned $30,000 - $50,000? YOU TOO have been the subject of economic recovery and bans? YOU TOO had the circumstances of your birth certificate(s) make a multinational-billion behemoth charged with mass abduction trip over itself to enlist your help to cover its own ass in an oncoming diplomatic standoff? YOU TOO have been roadblocked all access to your medical history in the midst of cancer treatment?
YOU TOO were told throughout childhood & adolescence that all your immediate family members were killed by a war responsible for your “salvation,” only to discover as an adult EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM STILL ALIVE.
How we doing here? 8 outta 10? Surely not less, seeing how you share “nearly all my experiences” of course.
Being bi/multi-racial does not actually endow you with ANY insight into being orphaned, a transracial adoptee, a transethnic adoptee, or a foster kid.
From a message you didn’t post: “I’m not saying that I have insight into the specifics of your adoption or adoptions in general, I’m referring to white families with children of color and how they systematically marginalize them despite the label of family. I am aware of the differences, I was only suggesting that it would be interesting to discuss what common ground we may have.”
I was specifically referring to the way in which white family members deal with family members of color, period. To pretend that I was going further than that is dishonest and ridiculous. I’m not going to respond to anything else you say, but I wanted to at least put it in context for folks who follow me.
Wow, brandx, no one is coming for your gold medal here. When people are sympathizing and being compassionate with an aspect of your life that is similar to theirs, how about you not be a freaking dick about it.
was gonna stay outta this but the black adoptee body counts just keeps stacking too high across my dash to have some ableist snot like you dismiss a transracial class bastards own lived experience and survival as OPPRESHUN OLYMPICS. of course to your basic existence such human rights violations sound ridiculous and grandiose. for us just another day that ends in y. if i had a nickel for every clueless “sympathizing” spawn who presumed to identify with our experience while desperately erasing the hells out of it, i could buy your nasty ass several times over at transnational adoption rate even.
"Wow, brandx, no one is coming for your gold medal here" Aaaand THIS is a perfect example of transracial adoptees are routinely silenced even by POC — an ugly truth I actually bothered to give Jordanbudd, which he blithely steamrolled over as he was only interested in using my identity to sign off on his bullshit preconceptions for a basic little piece already written a thousand times over at the expense of far more critical realities facing transracial adoptees. Jordanbudd is a lying shitbag, but Kweenlemon you take the cake as flat out child torture apologist “ally.” Take your worthless, ableist “sympathy” and choke on it.
I was too bored to point out how grossly common it is for biracial bio spawn to over-identify with transracial adoptees, so cheers to Indigoradix for articulating it just so! And as much as ignorant “sympathizers” wish this was about them, I wrote this post as a clarion call to any fellow adoptee out there whose gone through the same. But god forbid we notes our experience to those who claim to want to learn about us without the requisite traces of shame.
getting real fucking sick of the expectations and even gratitude for the “work i’m doing” to end the institutionalized trafficking, torture, and murder of orphans/adoptees/foster kids as if it’s my fucking JOB or that I should even be volunteering for it in the first place because there’s no one fucking else survivors are literally one out of a thousand and white would-be adoptive parents are happy to flood my inbox with their dumsbhit queries but when i post about the actual systemic abuses of international & domestic adoption & foster care they don’t ever even signal boost fuck. you. ALL.
meanwhile posts coming across my dash and multiple blog feeds about adopted children of color dying left and right and Michael & Debi Pearl are simply part of an international system that advocates literal torture & brainwashing techniques to force kids, most of them adopted and foster children of color, to attach to their parents and “saviors” (it’s by no means specific to North America and actually took off in its most violent incarnations in Europe)
i do not have the fucking time/energy right now to put together a coherent post about the Pearls being the tip of the iceberg. Nor should i ever HAVE to have that level of singularly steely will that took over my entire childhood
seriously the worst thing about being one of the precious few survivors of this is the complacency that those who’ve gone through it as children should be the ones putting a stop to it. if you’ve ever wasted my precious time with your white savior bullshit and aren’t spreading the world about this shit yourself you are part of the problem i rightfully fucking HATE you.
I just want to throw it out there that I really appreciate the fact that, in Pacific Rim, Mako Mori was never really shamed for wanting revenge on the Kaiju. Sure, her initial Drift with Raleigh was botched by her intense emotions, but even after, neither the characters nor the narrative told her to forget revenge or anger. Her desire for vengeance drove her, and that was okay. No one told her to forgive the Kaiju, and the filmmakers never threw in a scene with her looking a Kaiju in the eye and saying, “It’s really very beautiful.” AND THAT’S GREAT, because, while forgiveness is healing for many people, for others it can be just as healing to know that what happened to you will never happen to anyone else ever again. The narrative allowed Mako to both own and utilize her emotions, and for that it gets a gold star from me.
do you ever want to go give your younger self a hug for internalizing so much bullshit
For starters, I did not edit… I reblogged and specifically told you that I am part of that system. A fact that you a choosing to ignore. Second, when my research is telling me a that the majority of adoptees are dealing with feelings of abandonment it is not internalized.
You, yourself, used the term survivor. That is not a term that one uses if there is not trauma. You have a lot of anger around international adoptions. And that is well placed anger. But don’t think that others are as over it as you are.
So place blame where it belongs. On the white saviors, on the agencies who lie and on the every day people who tell me to be grateful.
Kfadich, you REALLY triggered and shamed me into silence with your horrible bullying presumptions, snake oil anecdata and language policing, so much so I wasn’t even going to post about adoption for a while.
But now that I’ve seen the transracial class bastard community calling you out on you being a triggering asshole and not knowing anything about this torture epidemic (which you purposefully conflated with adoption in general when the majority of adopteees have never even heard of it), it gives me the boost necessary to keep on keeping on and come back with the following:
How fucking dare you say my soul’s destroyed, then go on to judge how comparatively “over” I am something so nightmarishly abusive to children that even white people have called a mere collection of dry quotes profiling it “the most disgusting thing [they’ve] ever read.” Never ONCE did I say I was remotely fucking “over it” (omfg you insensitive shitbrained clod), but your spiteful pasty ass just can’t handle anyone who intellectually roundhouses it AND doesn’t fit your mindless “soul destroyed” victim vs survivor model.
Don’t try to police my emotions that are still far more valid than your extremely dubious secondhand “research.” And don’t you even so much as fucking address me ever again.
[TRIGGER WARNING: child abuse & humiliation, sensory & food deprivation, torture, ableism]
"By taking away control, I mean taking away the right to decide anything: what to do, what to eat, when to go to bed, what to wear — everything!"
"Only when the child gives in to the idea that control belongs to the adult, can healing begin. If you cannot take away the control, you might as well give up. One of the foster mothers I recently worked with established the number-one rule in her home as, “I am the boss and your job is to learn to love it."
”[…]When a new set of foster caregivers took [the boy] in, I had them take everything away right down to the bare mattress on the floor and a bucket to sit on. His caregivers picked out what he would eat, what he could do and what he could wear. He had to ask permission to talk or to use the bathroom.”
— Catherine S. Cain, Attachment Disorders: Treatment Strategies for Traumatized Children (2006)
"The rule of thumb when dealing with an unattached child in the classroom or elsewhere, is Believe the parents, not the child."
"The adoptive mother often becomes the target of rage that would be more appropriately directed at the birth mother."
"One parent purposely allowed a child to become lost in a mall, but kept an eye on her as her distress level increased before being ‘found’… a recreation of the early distress/relief bonding cycle."
— Foster Cline, Can This Child Be Saved? Solutions for Adoptive and Foster Families (1999)
"These children need a different kind of love — the type that forces them to love others."
"Intrusive therapy involves physical holding and sometimes verbally provocative techniques that bring on expressions and feelings of loss, pain, rage, helplessness, and finally hopelessness — the process through which a person must go to form attachment."
"God used intrusive techniques himself."
"This six-hour session [of a 150-lb. mother sitting on her prone 8-year-old son, as described by therapist Milton Erickson] would be illegal in some states."
— Foster Cline, Conscienceless Acts (1995)
"Not only do many religions emphasize that accepting suffering is beneficial, many prescribe specific ordeals such as fasting, rigorous prayer rituals and ‘turning the other cheek’ to create both an intellectual acceptance as well as emotional and behavioral acceptance of the belief system."
"The child needs to be confronted, ‘manipulated’ if necessary through paradoxical and other interventions, some of which may have the appearance of ‘ordeals,’ in order to achieve the greater good of maintaining the placement by quickly bringing about change."
“‘Ordeals’ are stressful, trying, troubling, difficult and make people miserable and uncomfortable. Using paradoxical techniques can often be perceived then as undesirable and torturous, with no rationale.”
Deborah Hage, “Paradoxical Techniques” Foster Care & Adoptive Community Training Program (2005 - 2013)
"Many therapeutic philosophies argue that when children have been physically or sexually abused they have a heightened need for boundaries to be respected. These theories maintain that to touch an abused child is to re-traumatize the child. Holding therapists would be philosophically opposed to that line of reasoning. Rather, they would argue that child who have been touched in abusive ways need to be touched and have the touch followed by a loving, positive, resolution. They need to be held close through a high state of arousal, thus duplicating the high state of arousal which occurs during the height of the abuse."
"Generally, the best course of action is to let the adoptive parents decide which child/children they have been able to achieve some sort of attachment with and then remove from the home the child/children they consider to be less functional."
— Deborah Hage, For What It’s Worth: Philosophical and Theological Musings (1999)
"Parents must take complete control[…] Often, this also requires therapeutic holds. There are Sequence One and Sequence Two holds which may seem scary and even barbaric at first."
"More often than not, the child will resist. At this point, one parent applies gentle but firm pressure on the shoulder in a small “pinch” manner. (Remember Mr. Spock’s famous Vulcan shoulder grip from Star Trek? Think of this.) […] Next, you instruct the child to go to his or her knees and ultimately lie face down on the floor."
"If a pillow, jacket, or towel is available, place it under the child’s face because it is very important for the child to lie face down during the therapeutic hold to prevent spitting, biting or direct eye contact. It is often overwhelming and guilt-inducing for the parents when direct eye contact occurs with the child. In order to avoid the tendency to abandon the holding time technique, make sure the child is lying face down.
"While one of you jockeys your weight over the child’s buttocks and lower legs (thus straddling the child), the other parent lies across the child’s upper torso and pins the child’s arms down by the sides of the body[…]"
"Total Adults Only. Isolation from any type of activity, friend or other sibling. Early bedtime, no talking to others, no television, play or any type of recreational activity. No hiding out in their room which is often preferred. Must stay in immediate sight and close proximity of parents or responsible adult at all times. Hard labor activities occupying any and all free time."
— Ronald Federici, Help for the Hopeless Child: A Guide for Families, With Special Discussion for Assessing and Treating the Post-Institutionalized Child (2003)
Programs founded and/or propagated by Cain, Cline, Hage, Federici & co. have collectively received millions in taxpayer subsidies, with their published works often promoted as “bibles” in adoptive and foster parent circles. Some states have officially required the recommended treatments as a condition of adoption.
Excepts posted per request.
The damage that this does to children… makes me want to vomit.
Adoption, being given up at any age by a parent, can destroy you. It means that you carry for the rest of your life, a series of questions that will likely never have answers.
And that is a healthy adoption. These types of adoptions (or child rearing) destroy souls.
Well, speaking as one of your “damaged,” “soul-destroyed” kids who survived all of the above and more, allow me to inform you that yours is exactly the kind of lazy, ableist, biography-as-destiny BS that fertilizes these child torture epidemics in the first place.
Pro-tip: Instead of projecting your onanist handwringing (damn now there’s an image) on adoptees, might wanna actually learn something about adoption, of which at present ya clearly know nothing. Cuz if you did, you’d recognize this “Primal Wound” crap you’re espousing for the supremely heteronormative construct it is, which grossly pathologizes adoptees and our birth mothers while issuing no critique whatsoever of the system via which we are trafficked and dehumanized in the first place.
#if i’m so damaged and destroyed how come I’m this much smarter than you #you MUST be white
ETA: p.s. You’re full of shit, nice try editing your post though. And assuming it’s true that you actually ARE working with survivors like me, your Verrier internalization makes you an incompetent ass at best.
ETA2: Yeah okay, that’s it. Not reblogging your oppressive turds doesn’t constitute as “ignoring” the facts of you — if I was, I wouldn’t be doing you the favor of calling out your ableism and ignorance.
It’s very telling that this is how you behave to survivors you claim to know and help. Shut your mouth when I’m speaking out about MY own experience that you can’t imagine, and don’t dare police my language (“survivor” applies to any kid who escapes this torture with their lives, you stupid fuck) or sanctimoniously opine on my “anger.”
You’re a nasty, extremely petty fool, and a dangerous one at that. Your work is bullshit and you’re obviously doing more harm than good. My heart goes out to any of my fellow survivors of this epidemic who ever (actually) cross your path.
This idea that you “have” to forgive people in order to move on or whatever is complete and utter bullshit. You don’t “have” to forgive anyone in order to live a life that’s fulfilling to you.
YEAH. take that, old therapist of mine who was hell-bent on getting me to reconcile with my a-parents (aka apologize for shit that wasn’t my fault) and wasn’t really interested in hearing or talking about anything else.
Children subjected to coercive techniques often have histories of severe abuse, neglect, multiple out-of-home placements, and adoption. Practitioners of coercive therapy often tell [adoptive] parents these methods are the only ones that will work to keep their child from becoming a serial murderer or sociopath.
We know that people with a history of abuse and traumatic losses are more sensitized to traumatic experiences and retraumatization when exposed to stimuli or physical coercion that is likely to remind them of the original abusive situation. Coercive therapy is terroristic and abusive as well as dangerous. Literature confirms that similar techniques are used in brainwashing: The subject is degraded, belittled, may be physically abused, is told it is for his benefit, and is thus coerced to consent. Hacker (1976), an acknowledged expert in terrorism, writes, “Coercion, having obscured its brutal origins, is then at its most triumphant when the victims are compelled to experience submission as a voluntary decision.”
Coercive techniques are antithetical to all we know about helping survivors of trauma. Trauma treatment is intended to empower survivors—not to frighten them, have them give up control, and make them assume a submissive posture. Coercive techniques foster the development of trauma bonds based in terror; they do not facilitate healthy attachment.
We would not be permitted to use these methods on prisoners of war or convicted felons, but we permit it for our children—children who have no voice."
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