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On the one hand I’m like “female villain displaying lesbian tendencies wow what is this 1950s pulp fiction?” but on the other hand I’m like female villain displaying lesbian tendencies.
From the article:
A pregnant woman has had her baby forcibly removed by caesarean section by social workers.
Essex social services obtained a High Court order against the woman that allowed her to be forcibly sedated and her child to be taken from her womb.
The council said it was acting in the best interests of the woman, an Italian who was in Britain on a work trip, because she had suffered a mental breakdown.
The baby girl, now 15 months old, is still in the care of social services, who are refusing to give her back to the mother, even though she claims to have made a full recovery.
And we thought eugenics were a thing of the past? It hardly ever makes news in Europe but refugee and migrant women are disproportionately affected by similar Social Services involvement regularly. I have spoken with many Women of Color (who will not speak on record for fear of retaliation) who have mentioned similar vigilantism going on in The Netherlands. It usually starts with Dutch neighbors “notifying” Social Services that there is an “unfit” mother (cultural differences can be perceived as signs of “bad motherhood” over here) and it escalates to full blown investigations that go as far as monitoring what children are fed (“ethnic” foods being subjected to special scrutiny under the guise of “nutrition value”). The women I’ve spoken to have mentioned situations like this with family members, friends, acquaintances, etc. It’s one of the reasons communities are kept tight, as usually positive outcomes depend on strong collective reactions to the injustice.
The case involving the Italian woman in the article is extremely unfortunate but I very strongly suspect it’s not as isolated as the news make it appear. The only difference is that when it happens to Women of Color it remains unreported because of victim’s fear and the normalization of violence.
LOL, only white bio spawn are gullible enough to frame eugenics as a thing of the past.
This particularly ableist incarnation of the white savior industrial complex forcibly taking “orphans” from our birth mothers is exactly what class bastards and adoptees have been saying for decades (of course the masses don’t listen to us as they’re busy demanding why we aren’t “grateful”…)
Who actually goes into this system as a small child? Who has to survive growing up in this system while enduring incessant accusations that our birth mothers were mentally unfit&/whores? Who gets warehoused into foster care at historically unprecedented rates? Who gets kidnapped by the police when they arrest our mothers for the “crime” of being poor? Who gets put in white Christian households if we meet some bullshit Eurocentric standards of physical appearance? No fucking shit isn’t an isolated incident.
You don’t need a sea change in news media to gain an accurate perspective on this epidemic — all you need is to stop the silencing of those who survive it.
my mom has been a cop for over 20 years and she is the one who constantly warns me about police aggression and young male cops and told me that if you’re ever alone on a rural road and a cop throws their lights on to put on your four ways and drive to the next gas station before stopping because so many cops are scum and it’s not worth the chance of getting hurt. the fact that SHE feels the need to tell me this shit scares me to death
The abusive man’s problem with anger is almost the opposite of what is commonly believed. The reality is:
Your abusive partner doesn’t have a problem with HIS anger; he has a problem with YOUR anger.
One of the basic human rights he takes away from you is the right to be angry with him. No matter how badly he treats you, he believes that your voice shouldn’t rise and your blood shouldn’t boil. The privilege of rage is reserved for him alone. When your anger does jump out of you —as will happen to any abused woman from time to time —he is likely to try to jam it back down your throat as quickly as he can. Then he uses your anger against you to prove what an irrational person you are. Abuse can make you feel straightjacketed. You may develop physical or emotional reactions to swallowing your anger, such as depression, nightmares, emotional numbing, or eating and sleeping problems, which your partner may use as an excuse to belittle you further or make you feel crazy."
Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (via queeringmisogyny)
Wow. Wow wow wow. This is frightening. This is… This happened to me. I wish I’d realized it sooner.
This is just not applicable to adult to adult abusive relationships. Abusive parents do this to their children too - often. Leaving their children with no concepts of their own boundaries, emotional boundaries, ability to recognize their own anger, and in fact leading to them growing up and potentially becoming abusive by becoming ‘jealous and possessive’ of their own anger and ‘afraid’ that other people’s anger is in fact a campaign against them having their own.
Abuse cycles get complicated fast.
"2. Your Birthmother Was a _____ (fill in the blank with something shitty).
Our birthparents don’t have to be trash eating whores in order to make us more thankful for being adopted. In fact, many grown up adoptees are finding out that the myths and stories they’ve heard about their birthparents weren’t only embellished, but straight out lies. You don’t have to make up an excuse to justify our adoption - we get it. For one reason or another we were there and now we are not. By the way, your mother could’ve been a whore, too. But her story isn’t likely to be broadcast to strangers. And if it were, she is at least granted the common courtesy to explain or defend herself. Ours can’t. Also, don’t call our birthmothers whores.”"
Our personal adoption stories have nothing to do with it. It is the system. The system of adoption is inherently classist, racist, and misogynistic.
It is heartbreaking that families are torn apart because society hates women, hates children, hates poor people, etc. It is heartbreaking no matter the circumstances when a child is taken away from their mother (and father/other family), even if it truly is necessary - which it generally isn’t. Losing one’s mother/family is a tragedy. Especially when talking about infants who are so completely and utterly attuned to their mothers and cannot rationally process the loss. It’s so sad.
Then, on top of that of that loss, adoptees have their names and original identities stripped from them, and those original identities are sealed. The loss is further compounded by the fact that society doesn’t see that there is any loss. You must be grateful and happy to be adopted, and if you aren’t, you’re a bad, ungrateful adoptee. As the Revered Keith C Griffith put it, “Adoption loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful.”
If you have had a good adoption experience, that’s good for you. I mean that sincerely. But “good” adoption stories don’t erase the severe problems within the system of adoption. Writing about the problems in adoption would take a long time, and I am very not good at the education side of it.
So if you’re interested:
Brand-X is an international transracial Class Bastard who is pretty good at that stuff, especially with connecting it to other issues that I know you’re interested in (feminism, anti-racism, human rights, etc).
I can’t think of anyone else I liked when I was de-fogging, other than books. If I think of someone, I’ll put them in the master post I’m creating. Not sure how long it will take - adoption is a very difficult topic for me.
Editing to add one of my other favourites: Adoption Sometimes Gets All Fucked Up, 101 by Fugitivus
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