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Jana Wolff, Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother
Adoption agencies officially recommend Wolff’s book as a resource for prospective parents.
First off, I don’t like children. I think they’re gross, I don’t like that they aren’t able to discuss things like politics, and the idea of living with someone who has no control over their bowels is just awful. Any time I mention that I don’t plan to have children, people automatically say that I’ll change my mind once my biological clock starts ticking.
Maybe they’re right. Maybe at some point in my 30s or 40s, I’ll develop the urge to mother something. Most likely, this will result in getting a dog and making it wear outfits, but I can’t predict the future. The other day I posted that Dan and I were discussing different countries with adoptable children. That’s probably a weird thing for people of childbearing age to contemplate, but on the off chance that we/I ever have kids, they’re going to be adopted. Here’s why:
1. Pregnancy is horrifying to me. It’s a human, growing inside of another human, getting ready to rip the host human to pieces after feasting on its nutrients for the majority of a year. I’m really uncomfortable around pregnant women because I can’t get past the idea that there’s a creature inside of them. While I recognize that it’s a natural process and I would never ever judge someone for choosing to have a baby, I can’t get past my intense, probably irrational fear of pregnancy.
2. To paraphrase Dana Gould, my ovaries are filled with poison. Between mystery illness, and a family history of mental illness/addiction/diabetes/learning disabilities/MS/colon cancer/etc, having a baby using my DNA would be a dick move. While I think Dan has some quality DNA that a kid would be lucky to have, if he ever gets the urge to go forth and multiply, it’ll have to be with his side piece.
3. There are already way too damn many kids on the planet, and a lot of them are parentless. It’s kind of like getting a dog, why go to a breeder when you can go to the humane society and adopt a dog stuck in a shitty situation? The fact that I don’t want children should be comforting to the people who are upset that I just compared parentless babies to dogs.
4. I like the idea of being able to choose the child. Birthing one is gambling, especially with some of the ugly babies my relatives have had. If I were to adopt locally, there would be the possibility of meeting the birth parents beforehand and deciding whether or not their offspring would suck. If I adopt internationally, I would not only have an excuse to visit another country, but I could pick out one I liked, and ideally skip the whole baby stage altogether. Also, someone has already vetted those kids! They can tell you in advance if the kid is going to be a biter.
5. People think you’re a better person than you actually are. If I adopt a child, it will be because I was completely unwilling to subject myself to the inconvenience of child birth. In the eyes of strangers, though, especially if I adopt from a third world country, I did something selfless and borderline heroic. That may sound like a shitty thing to say, but I know people who have adopted internationally, and I’ve seen how people react to their family. I like the idea of people assuming I’m a really good person because I wasn’t willing to risk having an ugly kid.
I realize that adoption isn’t an easy process, not everyone can do it, and not everyone should do it. But still, on the off chance I ever decide I need to raise a human, it won’t be one that came out of me.
Actual post from actual person. Copied & re-posted because I refuse to boost the source.
ugh i know this doesn’t make sense to anyone at the moment
my next posts will elucidate (if not articulate) this further
because the contemporary adoption industry, while rooted in practices which is as old as
balls homo sapien history, has created channels of commerce that truly ARE unprecedented
the consequences of which have only barely just begun to be unpacked.
en fin, ashdfgkadgjasdk;.
John Berger Ways of Seeing (via spartanbitch)
This is super fucking relevant.
And why self portraits (selfies) are often such an act of self preservation and resistance.
selfies as politics, hell yeah.
#it’s okay to follow creepshots but when a celebrity’s nudes are leaked she’s a slut #it’s perfectly normal to watch objectifying porn but when a woman decides to film herself having sex she’s a whore #it’s alright for you to harass women on the street but when they approach you first it’s arrogance #it’s cool for you to fantasize about a woman who’s out of your league but when a woman you deem unattractive likes you you’re disgusted #no don’t worry you can make female bodies public property but when they discuss your masturbation habits you can be offended #society ^_^ i ^_^ hate ^_^ you
45,937 notes (via pedagogyofpussy & homeless-dad)
i was wearing red lipstick, and this guy’s like how much for a bj? i’m like about the cost of your funeral. we laughed. anyway he’s dead now.
8,789 notes (via vivier & drarna)
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