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Adoptive mother on her 12-year-old daughter.
From When Children Are Traded, published November 20, 2013 in The New York Times.
I remember reading the Reuters investigative report on foreign adoptions gone wrong this year - there are white people who repeatedly adopt foreign children or buy them underground online. I still think about that article every day, and this quote or something similar to it appeared in many parents’ mouths - that they wouldn’t mind having someone kill their children than have to spend another minute with them.
From the article:
A pregnant woman has had her baby forcibly removed by caesarean section by social workers.
Essex social services obtained a High Court order against the woman that allowed her to be forcibly sedated and her child to be taken from her womb.
The council said it was acting in the best interests of the woman, an Italian who was in Britain on a work trip, because she had suffered a mental breakdown.
The baby girl, now 15 months old, is still in the care of social services, who are refusing to give her back to the mother, even though she claims to have made a full recovery.
And we thought eugenics were a thing of the past? It hardly ever makes news in Europe but refugee and migrant women are disproportionately affected by similar Social Services involvement regularly. I have spoken with many Women of Color (who will not speak on record for fear of retaliation) who have mentioned similar vigilantism going on in The Netherlands. It usually starts with Dutch neighbors “notifying” Social Services that there is an “unfit” mother (cultural differences can be perceived as signs of “bad motherhood” over here) and it escalates to full blown investigations that go as far as monitoring what children are fed (“ethnic” foods being subjected to special scrutiny under the guise of “nutrition value”). The women I’ve spoken to have mentioned situations like this with family members, friends, acquaintances, etc. It’s one of the reasons communities are kept tight, as usually positive outcomes depend on strong collective reactions to the injustice.
The case involving the Italian woman in the article is extremely unfortunate but I very strongly suspect it’s not as isolated as the news make it appear. The only difference is that when it happens to Women of Color it remains unreported because of victim’s fear and the normalization of violence.
LOL, only white bio spawn are gullible enough to frame eugenics as a thing of the past.
This particularly ableist incarnation of the white savior industrial complex forcibly taking “orphans” from our birth mothers is exactly what class bastards and adoptees have been saying for decades (of course the masses don’t listen to us as they’re busy demanding why we aren’t “grateful”…)
Who actually goes into this system as a small child? Who has to survive growing up in this system while enduring incessant accusations that our birth mothers were mentally unfit&/whores? Who gets warehoused into foster care at historically unprecedented rates? Who gets kidnapped by the police when they arrest our mothers for the “crime” of being poor? Who gets put in white Christian households if we meet some bullshit Eurocentric standards of physical appearance? No fucking shit isn’t an isolated incident.
You don’t need a sea change in news media to gain an accurate perspective on this epidemic — all you need is to stop the silencing of those who survive it.
"2. Your Birthmother Was a _____ (fill in the blank with something shitty).
Our birthparents don’t have to be trash eating whores in order to make us more thankful for being adopted. In fact, many grown up adoptees are finding out that the myths and stories they’ve heard about their birthparents weren’t only embellished, but straight out lies. You don’t have to make up an excuse to justify our adoption - we get it. For one reason or another we were there and now we are not. By the way, your mother could’ve been a whore, too. But her story isn’t likely to be broadcast to strangers. And if it were, she is at least granted the common courtesy to explain or defend herself. Ours can’t. Also, don’t call our birthmothers whores.”"
Our personal adoption stories have nothing to do with it. It is the system. The system of adoption is inherently classist, racist, and misogynistic.
It is heartbreaking that families are torn apart because society hates women, hates children, hates poor people, etc. It is heartbreaking no matter the circumstances when a child is taken away from their mother (and father/other family), even if it truly is necessary - which it generally isn’t. Losing one’s mother/family is a tragedy. Especially when talking about infants who are so completely and utterly attuned to their mothers and cannot rationally process the loss. It’s so sad.
Then, on top of that of that loss, adoptees have their names and original identities stripped from them, and those original identities are sealed. The loss is further compounded by the fact that society doesn’t see that there is any loss. You must be grateful and happy to be adopted, and if you aren’t, you’re a bad, ungrateful adoptee. As the Revered Keith C Griffith put it, “Adoption loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful.”
If you have had a good adoption experience, that’s good for you. I mean that sincerely. But “good” adoption stories don’t erase the severe problems within the system of adoption. Writing about the problems in adoption would take a long time, and I am very not good at the education side of it.
So if you’re interested:
Brand-X is an international transracial Class Bastard who is pretty good at that stuff, especially with connecting it to other issues that I know you’re interested in (feminism, anti-racism, human rights, etc).
I can’t think of anyone else I liked when I was de-fogging, other than books. If I think of someone, I’ll put them in the master post I’m creating. Not sure how long it will take - adoption is a very difficult topic for me.
Editing to add one of my other favourites: Adoption Sometimes Gets All Fucked Up, 101 by Fugitivus
I just finished reading them, actually. If we had continued the conversation then you would have found out that nearly all of the experiences you've written about or reblogged have happened to me because of the circumstances of my birth and how I was raised. It's clear there's not much point in continuing, though. Have a good week and a nice holiday.
oh wowowowow so YOU TOO were picked out of a catalog between $30,000 - $50,000 bucks a pop with final price contingent on your physical attractiveness, number of diseases, and neurotypicality?!
YOU TOO had your gender determined by industry laws of supply & demand with your parents’ purchasing power? YOU TOO were regularly likened to the most infamous serial rapists & murderers that preyed upon your (paid predetermined) gender? YOU TOO were trafficked and warehoused in an exponentially growing underground market of parents who abandon and trade their “forever children” with zero legal repercussions? YOU TOO survived government subsidized institutionalization to cure the “primal wound” of your conception and “inevitably sociopathic rage against your birth mother” wherein you were subjected to “therapies” that so violate every human rights convention on the planet they’ve resulted in the highest number of documented cases of child death-by-torture in modern history? YOU TOO had your true age, place of birth, parentage, and developmental history completely withheld from you by the entity that delivered you to your fam for aforementioned $30,000 - $50,000? YOU TOO have been the subject of economic recovery and bans? YOU TOO had the circumstances of your birth certificate(s) make a multinational-billion behemoth charged with mass abduction trip over itself to enlist your help to cover its own ass in an oncoming diplomatic standoff? YOU TOO have been roadblocked all access to your medical history in the midst of cancer treatment?
YOU TOO were told throughout childhood & adolescence that all your immediate family members were killed by a war responsible for your “salvation,” only to discover as an adult EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM STILL ALIVE.
How we doing here? 8 outta 10? Surely not less, seeing how you share “nearly all my experiences” of course.
Being bi/multi-racial does not actually endow you with ANY insight into being orphaned, a transracial adoptee, a transethnic adoptee, or a foster kid.
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