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being the adopted child of an adoptee is weird af like i have my own identity issues to deal with, but then i have my mother’s bio and adopted family history to try to sort through and basically adoptee life is just one big clusterfuck of misinformation
the ONLY people I maintain this space for are myself (decolonizing my mind) and fellow orphans, adoptees, and foster kids.
And to a certain extent, POC and indigenous parents looking to protect their communities against ethnocidal “Kill the Native, Save the Child” programs both international and domestic.
If you belong to one of the aforementioned groups, feel free to get in touch. There are a surprising number of class bastards on here, which is glorious, but it can be hard to find peers because there aren’t so many who post about adoption and orphanhood, which is also cool though, you do YOU bbs. <3
If you don’t belong to one of the aforementioned groups, you’re welcome to introduce yourself, but I really don’t give a fig one way or the other if you stick around, and I definitely don’t care about educating you. Sorry not sorry.
I'm so disgusted by the disproportionate amount of people whining in the notes on your post about the Haitian boy who was given up about "not all white people". They had the god damn nerve to look at the source material and ONLY choose to cherrypick the people going "white people are awful", yell at them because their precious egos were hurt, and ignore the damn point of the post entirely. I am so incredibly disgusted.
Heh. The latest accusation is that I’m “trying to cause trouble" with my coverage of adopted child trafficking that (unlike that “Good Housekeeping” trash mag) isn’t some abuse apologist defense of a racist American who has a history of hurting animals.
White feelings > the lives of orphaned children of color
Must be a day that ends in ‘y’.
NYU Shanghai, to be exact. I’m at that point in my life where I just have to discover my lost culture. I just need to. And I can’t stop thinking about how unique this university is and how it could give me that connection that I’ve been looking for.
They took it better than I expected. They haven’t tried to talk me out of it or anything, but they do seem slightly uncomfortable with the idea.
On numerous occasions, they’ve asked me, “Why do you want to go? So you can become fluent and stay there?”
…and at that moment, things made a lot more sense to me - why they decided not to teach me about my culture, why they’ve never taken me back to visit my homeland, or why they don’t want to talk about race and adoption. They are afraid that I’m going to fall in love with it and will want to stay.
But is that so wrong? I want to fall in love with my culture. I want to have the option to stay if I want to. But they shouldn’t see this as a bad thing. In fact, it would’ve been better if they taught me these things when I was young so that I wouldn’t grow up with such a strong thirst for adventure and discovery.
I feel like this might be a fear of some adoptive parents. They don’t want to lose their child. They want their child to be all theirs. But we will never be only theirs. We are also children of other families, cultures, and countries. You can’t take that way from us. You can try to hide it or keep it away, but someday, we might grow up and take things into our own hands.
You aren’t losing your child to their first culture and country. You’re sharing them. International adoptees have the right to know the land where they came from if they want to.
Any parent not wanting their child to live so far away from them is (somewhat) understandable, but holy balls that does NOT for one second justify their refusal to face up to racism and cut you off from your birth culture completely.
Ugh. Sorry your adoptive parents are so horribly unsupportive about your birth right to your culture. Hope your application goes well and you go on the adventure of a lifetime. Much love to ya. X
Sorry if I'm stepping out of line, but (my reading comprehension is super bad today) attachment parenting is abusive, correct?
Attachment parenting geared towards adoptees and foster kids (or any child who doesn’t arise from 100% cisheteronormative circumstances really) IS abusive.
Attachment parenting geared towards “biological” children (haha ALL children are biological last time I checked, to paraphrase dickensianwerewolf we’re adoptees, not androids) is NOT abusive. It usually just involves baby-wearing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping etc.
Non-abusive APs claim that abusive APs have simply hijacked their terminology. However, non-abusive Attachment Parenting communities and organizations still propagate the pseudoscientific, abusive definitions of “attachment disorder” that grossly stigmatize adopted & orphaned children, with the added generalization that “attachment disordered” children become violent, serial killers, etc.
Which gets tiresome, as there is no empirical scientific support for the popular notion that children with attachment problems grow up to become psychopaths or otherwise prey on society. [PDF download link, APSAC Task Force Report]
In both forms of attachment parenting, massive importance is placed on bonding with children within the first few hours after their birth. So you might understand how us orphans, foundlings, and class bastards automatically throw a spanner into the works simply by existing ;)
I’ll build on this later… X
1) They don’t understand your everyday experience with microaggressions.
The most frequent response I get from my parents when I talk about a microagression directed towards me is: Maybe they (usually a white person) is having a bad day and didn’t mean it.
This complete dismissal of my lived experience, my TRUTH, does irreversible damage to my mind, my body, and my spirit.
2) They stutter and falter when they talk about race or ethnicity.
They have a hard time naming race and ethnicity. Seriously. It’s like watching someone with a bad case of constipation. Uttering anything along the lines of Asian, Filipino, White, Black, South Asian, etc…is difficult for them. And if they manage to form a coherent thought it’s communicated with a pretentious air, like they’ve bestowed a magic gift of knowledge on me.
3) They tell me, “You’re being really mean right now” when I’m ranting about race and adoption.
Which really just means: Shut up and don’t talk about race because it makes us uncomfortable. Oh, and: Your anger is uncalled for.
This list isn’t finished. All you transracial adoptees know that. We live difficult and complex lives. If you have anything to add to the list, reblog and add.
4) Everything is somehow my fault. If we’re talking about adoption and I’m expressing how difficult it was to grow up in a White family, in a White town and my parents get upset? It’s my fault.
Microagressions? Definitely my fault.
I’m upset because of racism? My fault, I shouldn’t have been reading about it/watching that/talking to those people/idk, existing in a racist world (this is the one that really blows my mind).
5) They dismiss or ignore my life experiences and then feel hurt that I don’t want to tell them things.
Yesterday I mentioned that I had read an article about how it’s documented that Black women have a more difficult time getting hired and how it made me feel discouraged about my job hunt (in a light-hearted, chuckling, ‘isn’t that the darndest thing’ way because you have to be cute and easygoing about it, of course) and both my parents
….just ignored me. They didn’t say anything at all. In the next few days, my mom will almost definitely talk to me about how I need to stop reading about racism because “it’s so negative.”
6) Having to physically defend myself as a child against violent racists at my über white school, then coming home and being disbelieved that I’d done NOTHING to provoke the assaults.
7) The complete and utter erasure of my birth language, which yes, I knew and spoke actively when I was first adopted.
8) Having my vocal antiracism and perfectly harmless, non-Eurocentric behavior be derided and pathologized as “attachment disorder,” which in Western adoption circles is commonly referred to as “serial killer syndrome.”
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